The Struggle To Have It All Together
Some people look at me and think I have it all together. I know this because a few have told me so 😉 But you know what? I don’t. I really truly don’t. Nobody does. I mean sure, there are some things I stay on top of and excel in...I love my family more than life. I typically look put together and not like a bridge guarding troll. I drink more than my recommended amount of water most days. My closet ...clothes, shoes, jewelry... are very well organized and cared for. I am a silver lining finder and am optimistic to a fault. Empathy and positivity are strengths of mine. Those are all areas I do have it together...most days.
But...I have fears and weaknesses too. And sometimes I allow them to get the best of me. Sometimes doubt, comparison, shame kick in. Sometimes I struggle with believing that people genuinely love me and want to be my friend. I’ve told myself
“It’s just a pity invite” “Nobody would notice if you weren’t there” “I’m the expendable friend” “You really don’t belong here”
Sometimes I struggle with believing I’m doing or being enough for my family because I hate to cook (and usually don’t), we homeschool (and prob not the way some would like), my kids aren’t in many extracurriculars...or actually none currently (mom shaming anyone??)...the list goes on.
Sometimes I struggle with thinking I always have to put up the appearance that I do have it all together and everything is fine and dandy when maybe it is or maybe...it actually isn’t.
Sometimes I worry about not being quite as good at things as people think I am.
Whyyyy though?? Why would I think such awful things?? Because I’m not perfect. I don’t have it all together. Because Satan fights me the same as he does you ... with lies. Lies straight from hell. He takes what’s most important to us and works to make us doubt... doubt that we’re loved, doubt our worth, doubt our contribution, doubt our purpose.
But God. He is the giver of life. He tells us we are loved. We are His. He tells me I am His friend ... the bff 4 ever kind 👊🏼 He tells me I AM enough because His grace is sufficient and it’s through my weakness that His power is made perfect. He tells me whether I’m killing it today or screwing up royally that His mercies are new every morning. He has given and blessed me so abundantly! I’m not getting life just right every day, but I do know who I belong to. I do know what He says about me. I do know that He knows the intimate details of my heart and loves me just the same.
I hope you know too 💗